Why is it that when I am sick my anxiety is totally manageable? Despite being sick with a nasty head cold, I was NOT going to miss our New Years. The whole point of it was to relax and destress and I had been looking forward to it since I booked it in November.
We went to Monterey and got a neat hotel suite with two rooms and an in room hot tub for me, Loving Hubby and Sweetheart. We also went to this event called "First Night Monterey"... basically a dry new years festival thing. Got a henna tattoo on my hand, saw Taiko drummers, and a slew of other things. It was fairly crowded but a good portion of it was outdoors where there is always an 'escape'. The henna tattoo was fun even if it was one of the two things that made me kinda anxious. The only other people really around us in line were kids so I felt completely silly and a bit anxious, but Sweetheart kept me in line and made me do it which I am glad. Later in the evening when it got colder and most of the events where inside and more crowded my heart started racing and I was close to having an attack, but at that point we decided to go back to the hotel room with our snacks and apple cider and relax in the hot tub.
My head felt like someone was trying to cram it full of clay and then inflate the clay somehow, but I really enjoyed myself. On New Years day I was tired and still felt blah, but we stopped at Marina State Beach on the way back home and walked around for a bit. There was hardly anyone there except for a few people walking their dogs and a few surfers on the gorgeous waves farther down the beach. It was wonderfully peaceful and if it wasn't for the sand in my sneakers that no matter what I did I couldn't get out (which lead me to nearly pitching a fit when we got back to the car since I couldn't get them off quick enough and started to feel claustrophobic, thank you Loving Hubby for getting them the hell off of me), it would have been nearly anxiety free.
I can't really remember exactly when I could claim I had another day I felt that 'unanxious'... the only day that even remotely comes to mind was Sweetheart's birthday back in August, or some time right around there. I figured out then that with my new swimsuit, it actually fit well enough that I could properly dive into a pool without worrying about something popping out. I love to swim and dive but I was in high school the last time I was able to dive and not have to hold my top in place. It was almost rediculous how unbelievably happy it made me.
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