Saturday, February 21, 2009

Headache and Sleep

I have a raging headache right now, and not a normal one either. It's this weird pressure type headache and the only thing I can compare it to is a hangover headache (and no, I haven't been drinking nor have I had any alcohol in quite some time).

I think it is an anxiety attack hangover. I've been so riled up since Wednesday. Crashed (sorta) at 930pm yesterday and didn't get out of bed until 1130 this morning, and I only ended up getting up then because my bladder wouldn't let me stay in bed any longer. That's not all to say I actually slept... I had two solid hours between 5am-7am, but otherwise it was sleeping for 15-20 minutes, wake up, see the clock thinking its hours later only to be disappointed. I guess it is better than getting no sleep at all, but just the thought of doing anything today other than laying around and trying to daydream my way into some decent sleep sounds like hell.

To many it sounds counterproductive, to be thinking about things when trying to sleep... but really it is my only way I can ever get to sleep. If I don't try to concentrate on something enjoyable or 'daydreamish' my mind ends up wandering to things that set off my anxiety and then all the daydreams in the world won't help me sleep. At times I find it the most despicable coping mechanism, as I am basically creating in my mind a fantasy world in hopes that it helps me sleep. I know it sounds harmless, but I shouldn't have to resort to it... and I worry (though oddly the worry doesnt cause any anxiety) that when I have really bad days that I'd use it during the day while I am awake to cope, and I don't want to live in a fantasy land.

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