Grocery Stores (archive of 2/13/2009)

I hate grocery stores. Right now I hate most stores but today it was a grocery store.

I was hoping that since it was the middle of the day that the store wouldn't be too crowded, and that we could take our time, pause when needed to let me catch my breath (anxeity litterally takes my breath away... heart racing, dizzy, lightheaded, etc). But I was wrong.

And we REALLY needed to go grocery shopping.

I was doing sorta-kinda ok considering how crowded it was until Loving Hubby* suggested we go out for lunch to a salad bar buffet type place... which would have been fine but we needed to get a lot of frozen food and were already half a football field into the store with a few things already in the cart. Since the affordably priced grocery stroe is 15 miles from home and the salad bar place thingy was across the street, it would have meant leaving the store to go eat, then coming back afterwards.

I felt my body freeze and a flood of anxiety and fear come over me. I tried to calm myself by putting the decision off on someone else, Sweetheart. Unfortunately for my anxiety, Sweetheart is incredibly indecisive and as much as I love her, in relation to my anxiety is her biggest flaw. But I love her and that was in no way blaming her for my anxiety. Back to Loving Hubby. Realizing I'm on the verge of a major attack he tries to play it off, "we don't have to", "whatever you like", "its ok, you are in control of this", etc.

I ended up crying in front of the shredded cheese. Loving Hubby and Sweetheart gave me hugs and at least got me to stop crying, and we continued on like no one had said a thing about eating out.

I had to walk around the corner to the next empty ailse a little later. Loving Hubby while trying to grab some frozen burritos accidently pulled one of the boxes out and burritos went everywhere. I yelled at him for grabbing too many. I feel bad about it cause I know it was an accident, but it was all I could do at the time to keep from completely bolting off in panic.

Other than feeling on the verge of tears most of the rest of the time in the store and either holding on the the edge of Loving Hubby's shirt or holding Sweetheart's arm while walking through, things went relatively uneventfully the rest of the time. If uneventful means feeling as paniced as a lost 4-yo in a store.... I love shopping. I really, really do. But just as with so many other things, even things I really enjoy and want to do give me anxiety attacks.

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*Loving Hubby really, really tries hard to keep me from anxiety attacks. He was thinking 'lets get out of the store now, come back again on a full tummy and hopefully more apt for dealing with the store'. Obviously didn't work out that way :-p
**Sweetheart is my best friend who lives with my loving hubby and I. Without both of them I don't think I could function at all.